I have always thought the five love languages were fairly straightforward: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts and physical touch.
Apparently, I was behind.
A couple has gone viral after being asked the seemingly simple question: “What is your love language?”
Their answer?
English.
Not words of affirmation. Not quality time. Not acts of service.
English.
At first, I laughed. Then I thought about it. And honestly, they may have a point.
Because what exactly is a love language if not a way of communicating affection? And in Ghana, English can carry an extraordinary amount of emotional weight.
Take the phrase, “I am fine.”
That can mean anything.
“I am genuinely fine.”
“I am not fine, but I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I am angry with you.”
“I am waiting for you to figure out why I am angry.”
“I have forgiven you, but I have not forgotten.”
All of this can be communicated in two words, depending on the tone.
Then there is “Okay.”
Nobody should underestimate the power of “okay” in a Ghanaian relationship.
There is the normal “okay.”
There is the slightly prolonged “okayyy.”
There is the cold “okay.”
And then there is the “Okay, no problem.”
If your partner tells you, “Okay, no problem,” with unusual calmness, that is not necessarily good news. Sometimes “no problem” is simply a very polite way of informing you that the problem has been noted, documented and filed for future reference.
Perhaps that is why the couple’s answer is more profound than we are giving it credit for.
Maybe their love language really is English because communication is their thing.
They may be the kind of couple who actually talks things through. The kind who does not expect their partner to magically know what is wrong.
The kind who says, “This thing you did hurt me,” instead of posting a WhatsApp status containing a Bible verse, a broken-heart emoji and a suspiciously specific quote about betrayal.
And if that is what they meant, then perhaps we should stop laughing at them.
But I also suspect there is another possibility.
Maybe they simply heard “love language” and thought the question was asking, “Which language do you speak?”
And if that is the case, I respect the confidence.
Because imagine being asked one of the most emotionally intelligent questions in modern dating and responding with the same energy as someone filling out a passport form.
Language: English.
Relationship status: Complicated.
Favourite food: Jollof.
Next of kin: Ask my mother.
Still, the answer has exposed something interesting about how we approach relationships.
We have become so accustomed to categorising love that we sometimes forget that people express it differently. One person wants flowers. Another wants constant reassurance. Someone else wants their partner to help with chores. Another simply wants uninterrupted time together.
And some people, apparently, just want you to speak English.
Maybe what they are really saying is: “If you love me, communicate with me. Tell me what you mean. Tell me what you feel. And for heaven’s sake, stop expecting me to decode your silence.”
That, I can support.
Because relationships do not usually collapse because two people cannot buy each other enough gifts. Sometimes they collapse because one person says, “Nothing is wrong,” when there is clearly something wrong, and the other person decides to believe them.
So perhaps we have been looking at the five love languages all wrong.
Maybe there should be a sixth:
Effective communication.
And if this couple wants to call that English, who are we to argue?
At least they have made their position clear.
Their love language is English.
Hopefully, they are both fluent.